MINISTERIAL STATEMENTS

Mr MATT SMITH (Leichhardt) (11:59): I rise to speak on the Domestic, Family and Sexual Violence Commission yearly report tabled in the parliament by Minister Plibersek. A lot of work is being done. There are numbers we can bandy about.

There's the $1.2 billion in emergency transitional accommodation to ensure women can reach safety. There's the additional $3.9 billion in legal services, the $280 million for First Nations women and boosting over 500 frontline workers across Australia. But one of the things that I keep coming back to is that we need more men in this space.

I know you, Deputy Speaker Wilkie, put forward an MPI on this yesterday that was very well received. The member for Groom and I have had extensive conversations about what we as men can do to help tackle this scourge, and my friend the member for Menzies will speak on this later today. What is the price that the community is paying because good men can't stand up, because good men don't have the techniques or the tools to help another man stay away from this path?

There has never been in the history of the world a three-year old who wants to grow up to be a domestic violence perpetrator. It just doesn't happen. Children do not grow up wanting to be victims.

It is not a choice they make. It is a series of things that is thrust upon them. In how we deliver that support and action, we must always be there for women experiencing domestic and family violence.

We must always have the supports, because it does happen. We know it happens. As was outlined, what we would like to see is for it to be rare, brief and nonrecurring.

Should we achieve those aims we will still need those supports. We will still need transition housing. We will still need places for women to go.

But, as the member for Petrie rightly pointed out, we should stop trying to shield women and start dealing with the root cause. Unfortunately, the root cause so many times is men. While domestic and family violence is not exclusively perpetrated upon females, statistically it far outweighs what happens with men.

I think it happens to one in four women and one in 14 men. So men have responsibility in this space. It starts by showing up, and it starts by being heard—'reclaim the night' rallies, domestic violence forums, speaking to other men and being available.

The world is promoting role models at the moment that should not exist and that have never existed before. They're taking a bastardised version of what masculinity would look like if left in the hands of a 12-year-old and promoting it out to the world. That is not what good men look like.

Good men are strong. They are gentle. They want to see the best for themselves, their families, their communities and the people around them.

Weak men take. Weak men use violence. For too long, strong men have not been able to have these conversations.

This is where I talk about the tools. What does this look like? Is it our sporting clubs?

Is it our schools? Is it the provision of male role models who are showing what masculinity looks like? Masculinity has so many different versions these days.

You can be the tattooed, tough tradie, the athlete, the teacher, the academic, the scientist or whatever it is. But it all comes down to that kindness, that gentleness. Kindness is a strength.

That's something that I really believe. Who are you on your worst day? Can you still be kind?

Can you still be affectionate? Can you still want the best for those around you? I spoke to a young man who was visiting my electorate to visit family, and he was excited to be a father for the first time.

The male role models in his life had been almost nonexistent, and he was excited to have a daughter. We were having a conversation. I have daughters.

I'm very proud of them. He didn't know how to be a dad. He had no idea.

He was like: 'Can I change a nappy? Can I hug her? How do I interact with my baby?

How do I interact with my little girl?' And that's absolutely heartbreaking, because all of the interactions he'd had had been so bad, and he was desperately searching, seeking to find a way to break that cycle so that his daughter would grow up better than he had, so he could be the male role model that he'd missed out on. But he wasn't sure how to do it. It was one of the most heartbreaking conversations I've ever had.

We got him in touch with some people and some men's groups, and we walked him through a couple of things and showed him how to put a nappy on. But he wanted to be better, and he wanted to be better because of what had happened to him. That is the strength that I'm talking about.

That is a good man. That is such a good man. That is a man who should be a role model.

But he'll go back to community, and he'll do his best, and sometimes that's enough. One of the things I found most courageous about him was he had the courage to ask the question: 'How do I be a dad? How do I be that good man that people talk about?

How do I break this cycle so that I'm not perpetuating it on my daughter and that, when it's time for her to choose a husband or wife or a partner, she doesn't find herself exposed to the same horrors that I was exposed to?' That's the role for people like you, Deputy Speaker Wilkie, people like me and people like the member for Groom. It's to be that man and to be that role model.

More often than not, it takes just one man to stand up in the comments section of Facebook, just one man at a footy club to go, 'Come on, guys. That's not really what we joke about here,' just one man to stand up to that intergenerational cycle. If we could all be that one man, then Australia would be in a much better space, and then maybe we wouldn't have to have these conversations in this House.

Maybe we would just talk about it in the past tense. Maybe we would know that the children and the women of Australia would go to sleep at night feeling safe from the men that they love. I want to be worthy of the love of my fiancee and of my daughters, and I want the men of Australia to be worthy of the women in their lives as well.

Together, if we take action, we can put this behind us, but it's only going to be a concerted effort, and it can only come with the assistance of men.